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Reading Dexter's quote made me eager to determine which category I belong to. Am I the one who always finds a way to fulfill my commitments or the one who always finds an excuse not to? And to help me answer this question, I evaluated the effort I sincerely put into the consistent fulfillment of my responsibilities, obligations and commitments (marriage, parenting, relationships with others, personal, spiritual and professional development, etc), in comparison to the instances where I have complained about how difficult life is, made excuses for not doing what I am supposed to, or blamed others for their own behaviours.

My friend, complaining, making excuses and blaming others are all intertwined; and by getting us to do these things, Satan succeeds in his tactics of ensuring we don't make any attempt to GROW and BLOSSOM. Satan is the father of lies, and his mission is to consistently offer us the easy, destructive ways out in all life situations; easy, destructive ways meaning to complain, make excuses and blame others, thus missing opportunities of allowing these situations (trials and tribulations) to develop our perseverance, in time for more difficult situations. Like the Apostle Paul told the Romans, "we (should) rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we (should) also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us". Making excuses and blaming others measures our humility and love towards other people, while complaining measures our contentment, our gratitude. The more we complain, the more we make excuses and the more we blame others. Conversely, the more we blame others, the more we make excuses for our shortcomings, and the more we complain about the situations. When you complain, you are directly laying blame, and indirectly excusing yourself. And this self-destructive habit, which has caused many to loose their integrity, uprightness, respectability, and joy, is now an OUTBREAK, and spreading fast! Now is time to perform a personality check-up so you may rid yourself of all traces of this very contagious OUTBREAK.

As a result of this OUTBREAK of complaints, making excuses and blaming others, we continue to default in our commitments, responsibilities and obligations, and then have the audacity to turn around and blame someone (or something) else. We blame the weather or traffic whenever we are late for appointments, even though we could have begun the journey earlier enough to arrive on time. We blame the government (and police) for the violence in our communities, and yet do nothing to reach out to assist and influence those around us. We blame our boss for our lack of professional development; blame our parents for our upbringing; and blame our spouses, children and church leaders for our lack of personal and spiritual growth, but yet prefer movies, sports and working (even unpaid) overtime to reading books or attending workshops and seminars about marriage, parenting, and personal, spiritual and professional growth. We complain about our weight and then complain about the effort required to loose it. We pray to have a job and then complain about our job description. We complain about a busy week and then complain that a long weekend was too short. We never keep to the budget that we prepare for ourselves, and then complain of financial difficulties. We pray to get married, and then turn around and complain about our spouses and children, as well as blame them for the resulting troubles of us not being a good example for them. We pray to have kids, and then blame them for tiring days and sleepless nights. Some women blame the men whom they got pregnant for, while some men (actually) blame the women whom they impregnated. Does it no longer take two to tangle?



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Even more sadly, those in authority have also turned around to blame those under them: Parents are blaming the children that they are meant to train in the way of the Lord (Proverbs 22:6), bosses are blaming the staff that they are meant to lead and motivate, and church leaders are blaming the congregation that they are meant to shepherd. Without doubt, we have allowed our upbringing, laziness and pride to hinder our growth, integrity, uprightness, respectability, and joy, and then turned around to blame everyone around us, except ourselves! And in all these, we have firm excuses for defaulting in our commitments, responsibilities and obligations. Is it really possible that there seem to be something wrong with everyone else, except ourselves?

When we complain about other people, situations and things, we are looking at the speck of sawdust in their eyes rather than paying attention to the plank in our own eyes as Jesus Christ advised us in Matthew 7. We are basically saying that we are way better than they are, and would be able to do a better job with the running of our governments, schools, and churches, despite Paul's advice in Philippians 2:3 to "consider others better than ourselves, in all humility". We are saying that the authorities we complain about are not of God, even though the Bible commands us in Romans 13:1-7 to "submit to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established". We are saying that although the Bible echoes in Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5 & Ephesians 5:31 that "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh", we can never be united and become one flesh with our spouses, thus disregarding the Bible's advice in Romans 15:7 to "accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God". Like Apostle Paul once warned the Galatians, "If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other". Instead of trying to commandeer your spouse's role to become both the husband and the wife, a more effective approach is to do everything possible to improve yourself in your own role as a husband or a wife, with the hope of positively influencing your partner and everyone around you, especially your children. Remember that your situation will never change until you change. According to King Solomon, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise". So here is my advice for you: Instead of complaining, ACT! Instead of blaming others, SEEK TO UNDERSTAND, and instead of making excuses, APOLOGIZE!

Lou Holtz once said that "the biggest thing that has changed in our society over the last fifty years is that back then, people thought about their responsibilities and obligations. Today, people think more about their rights and privileges". Of course, rights and privileges are among the greatest blessings from God, for after creating the world in the very beginning, God gave us the ultimate right and privilege to "be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." However, our world has become such that those who live in countries of paramount affluence go about heads-high because of their abounding societal rights and privileges, while a larger portion of the world's population continuously struggle to have just enough right to remain alive amidst perpetual famine, recurring ethnic cleansing, unending civil and tribal wars, extremely oppressive governments, mass tortures, excruciating poverty, etc. In these areas, the concepts of rights and privileges are almost extinct, while some nations continuously erode the responsibilities and obligations of their citizens with so many rights and privileges.



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Nonetheless, the more we gain these rights and privileges, the more we complain about everything, excuse ourselves from our responsibilities and obligations, and blame others for our own shortcomings. We live in the most advanced age yet, but have complained and whined more than the previous generations ever did. The same countries that implemented devious plans and schemes like gay marriages, abortion, and euthanasia, in direct contradiction of God's plans, are the same countries complaining of low birth rates today and declining populations. They legalized prostitution and homosexuality, and now complain of increasing cases of HIV. They legalized tobacco and marijuana and now complain of the increasing cases of smoking-related diseases. They reduced the 'legal' age of having sex to barely that of a teenager (who, by the way, is NOT allowed to vote), and then complain about increasing teen pregnancies. They banned prayers and the teaching of basic morals from schools and then complain of escalating youth violence and immoral, disrespectful behaviours. Many people complain about so many troubles in their lives, and yet hardly consult with their Maker through prayers, barely fellowship with others to get encouragement, and never confess their sins to others for healing purposes.

Living a life that is full of complaints, excuses, and blames is unhealthy and sinful and a direct ingratitude towards God. While medical experts have confirmed that it is healthy to vent your frustration to trained counsellors or close friends who would be able to listen, empathize and share some encouraging insights with you, they have also confirmed that perpetual complaining is unhealthy and causes a series of life-threatening medical complications. My friend, like Apostle Paul, "Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?" Why do you find yourself making so many excuses in so many situations, with some of these excuses for the same or similar situations, if you are innocent? To enhance your physical and spiritual health, I suggest that you start making the necessary effort to drastically shorten and finally eradicate your list of complaints, excuses and blame. In order to stop complaining, start appreciating; in order to stop making excuses, start being diligent; and in order to stop blaming others, always evaluate yourself, and accept responsibility for your part of the matter. Given that we are unable to change other people, we better start focusing on changing our attitudes and perspectives with the hope that others are influenced by our REAL Desire to Make Things HAPPEN in our lives and the lives of those around us. Accordingly to Jim Rohn, one of America's foremost modern day philosophers, "You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of".

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In my new journey of accepting full responsibility for my actions and inactions, I am resolved to model Jesus Christ who "was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth" (Isaiah 53:7). I will start reminding myself to stop complaining about people, situations and things, and start appreciating and rejoicing always (Philippians 4:4). I am committed to stop blaming others, and start accepting full responsibilities for what I did or could have done to avoid the matter. I will refrain from making excuses for my shortcoming, and instead, learn how I may change my ways to avoid any recurrence. If it is being late for appointments and church services, I will commence the journey on time. The goal remains to "Love the Lord our God with our heart, soul and mind; and to love everyone else as ourselves". And to do this, my friend, we need to be immunized against the OUTBREAK. According to Abraham Lincoln, "The possibility that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just." Since we decided to take a strong, spiritual stance against the OUTBREAK, our children followed suit: They take the time to "correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience and careful instruction" as advised in 2 Timothy 4:2, instead of complaining about their younger siblings and others. They also apologize more for their shortcomings rather than making up excuses. What is more, the level of love, gratitude and joyfulness as a family continues to gradually, but remarkably increase. To measure the level of OUTBREAK in your home, examine the behaviours of your children to determine whether they complain more than they appreciate; whether they make more excuses than apologies; or whether they blame others more than accepting responsibility. The findings are a reflection of your immunization effort.

My friend, may you disregard Satan's lie about you being wholly innocent in conflicts or unpleasant situations that somehow involves you, and instead remember to humbly acknowledge your shortcomings, and apologize for them. Even in the remote instance where you could possibly have done nothing to avoid the conflict, apologize for not being in a position to avoid it, remembering that if your brother (or sister) is distressed because of what you eat (or what you do or do not do) you are no longer acting in love (Romans 14:15). And since we know that in all things God work for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28), let us start (or continue) making every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification (Romans 14:19), for the strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please themselves. Each of us should please his neighbour for his good, to build him up (Romans 15:1-2). In the words of Michel Eyquem de Montaigne, "The value of our life lies not in the length of our days, but in the use we make of them. A man may live long and yet live very little". The OUTBREAK has a direct impact on how long we live on earth and whether we will make it to heaven.



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- Kong Fuzi (Confucius) 551 BC – 479 BC

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While you may forward this on to inspire others too, your feedback means a lot to me. alex.ihama@theexhortation.com